| Iran and its friendship in society | | | | groovy, and we loved the same music. But |
| What steps can we take to invite and support | | | | nobody from that concert is in my life today. In |
| real friendships for our sons and daughters who | | | | fact, nobody from that concert was in my life |
| live with disabilities? We sometimes see other | | | | the next morning. We can spend a lifetime going |
| children moving along in a sea of friendship, and | | | | from one ‘activity’ to another and still be |
| we see our children struggling with isolation. The | | | | alone the next day (and for the rest of our lives), |
| natural ebb and flow of play, enjoyment and | | | | or we can try another tack. |
| affection may seem out of reach, and we worry | | | | If we think about it, we see that one basic |
| about the possibility of a life-long pattern of | | | | condition for the development of friendship |
| separateness. What can we do? | | | | (love-at-first-sight being a wonderful possible |
| To begin, I’m not sure that I know anything | | | | exception) is that we keep going back to the |
| about ‘making’ friends. The older I get, | | | | same place over time. |
| the more I think that we discover each other. | | | | But just going back may not be enough. |
| Then if we're lucky, pay attention, stay faithful, | | | | Twenty years after that night at the Fillmore, I |
| and don't mess up, we have a friend for life. | | | | was attending a large church in Winnipeg. The |
| We hope that our children who live with disabilities | | | | church was packed for four services every |
| will receive the blessings of friendship. As we | | | | Sunday. But one could go back for a month (or |
| seek that blessing, it may be useful to examine | | | | a year) of Sundays and still not find friendship, |
| how the ordinary patterns of discovery and | | | | because the ordinary pattern of the service didn't |
| friendship work, and see if we can follow those | | | | really lend itself to making connections. You had |
| patterns, but perhaps in a way that is more | | | | to make connections around the ‘edges’ |
| focused and intentional. | | | | of the service. |
| How did our most important friendships come into | | | | The edges are always there: times when |
| being? Where were we when we discovered | | | | we’re arriving and departing, waiting for the |
| each other? Among the dozens, hundreds, even | | | | first notes to sound from the organ, coffee after |
| thousands of people we've met in our lifetimes, | | | | the service. But if you are shy or don’t |
| how is it that some of us are still friends | | | | know how to ‘make time’ in those brief |
| ‘after all these years’? | | | | moments, you still might miss the boat. |
| Being There | | | | In 1993, a fellow named Fred conducted a little |
| At the simplest level, we were ‘there’ in | | | | survey inside this big congregation. Fred made |
| the same place at the same time. If I'm not | | | | an interesting discovery: there were seventy-six |
| there – if I've been sent away for | | | | small associations within the church, each focused |
| ‘special’ [you fill in the blanks] – | | | | on something different. Coffee might be just a |
| friendship doesn’t have much of a chance. | | | | brief moment for the people who made their |
| Now I was ‘there’ at a Janis Joplin | | | | way downstairs after the service, but the people |
| concert at the Fillmore Auditorium in San Francisco | | | | who made the coffee were pretty solidly |
| in 1967 with about a thousand other people. We | | | | connected to each other. They were a bit |
| were close-packed. It was, after all, the | | | | ‘political’, so we drank ‘fair trade’ |
| Summer of Love. We were young, feeling | | | | coffee. |